The long road to parenthood

Well, Tuesday marked one year since the day we met Noelle and Chloe. It’s crazy to think about it! In some ways it feels like just yesterday, and in other ways it feels like they’ve been with us forever! We had a fun day celebrating what we’re calling “Family Day.” We spent the morning at the Chicago Botanical Garden, then had a fabulous Ethiopian lunch at Ras Dashen in the city. It still amazes us that Noelle has forgotten so much about Ethiopia, but still remembers how to eat with injera and loves to eat all the spicy foods!

Our little family has gone through so many changes in the last year. We brought home two girls from Ethiopia, then we introduced them to American life, and now we’ve moved to the Chicago area. It’s been a whirlwind for sure, but I don’t think we’d change any of it. (Well, a little more sleep would have been nice over the past year!) I think the biggest changes we’ve seen in the past year would be language… Noelle speaks such great English, you’d hardly know she just came to the US a year ago! And Chloe is talking up a storm these days. She’s becoming such a big girl and growing up so fast! It’s amazing to watch them learn.

I feel really bad that we haven’t had much posted up here lately. The funny thing is that we’ve become quite busy here, considering how many family members and friends we have around us. Always plenty to do and not nearly enough time to see everyone and do everything we need to do! Just trying to juggle life, work, and family is keeping us running at full pace. So please accept my apologies for the lack of posts. But know that the girls are doing wonderful and enjoying lots of outside time this summer! I promise to get some more pics up soon… In the meantime, here’s a shot of us at the Botanical Gardens. Also, here’s us a year ago. Wow, have they changed!

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Well, we have been disconnected from the blog for a while now. I’m sorry about that. I know some of you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what happens next in the Howver family. Ok, maybe not really. But there is at least one big change that we wanted to let you know about…

We’ve moved back to the Chicago area! It is a big deal. Jay and I grew up here and moved away nine years ago to pursue whatever came our way. During our time away we lived in Colorado Springs, San Diego, and Colorado Springs again. We never thought we’d move back to the flat, humid lands of IL, but when the girls joined our little family, we really began to feel like it would be great to be near the rest of our family. We’re excited for the girls to grow up near their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins! And our family is quite excited that we’re finally back “home.” So it’s been a crazy summer so far, and we’re not quite done yet. We don’t know where we’re going to live just yet, so for now we’re living with my mom and step-dad. They are loving having the girls around, and the girls are having fun with them too!

I have new pictures, but I’m not attached to my hard drive right now, so you’ll just have to wait on those! We’re adjusting to the new environment here. The humidity is affecting the girls’ hair a lot and we’re still trying to figure out what kind of product to be using, what styles to use, etc. We’ll be taking them both into a salon soon. It is nice that we’re in a more diverse area than we used to be. So far we’ve talked to a few different African American women we’ve bumped into about ideas for the girls’ hair. We’re coming along…

Again, sorry about the lack of posts lately. There are great stories to tell, and when I find a few more free moments, I’ll share those with you all. Thanks for the continued prayers and encouragement!

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Those of you who know us well are aware that we attempt to eat healthy… Organic, gluten free (or at least wheat free when possible), and not too much sugar (except for the occasional Whole Food cupcake or ice cream treat). We managed to avoid most candy through Halloween and Easter, although I think Noelle did get a piece or two in her eggs found at the church Easter egg hunt.

You may also know that when we were in Ethiopia, we learned that the care center used candy a lot to keep the kids happy. We used that to our benefit until we landed in Colorado. Noelle had lollipops on every leg of the flights home to keep her calm (and sticky!). Since then, she hadn’t had any lollipops…until yesterday.

At church yesterday, it was Children’s Sunday, when the priest (our good friend, Scott) invites the children to come to the front during his message. I remembered as Noelle went up there that his Children’s Sunday messages usually involve candy of some kind. And it didn’t take long for the candy to make its way into his illustration and into the hands of happy children, including Noelle. The choice was a Tootsie Pop or a box of Nerds (I personally would have chosen the Nerds!). She picked the lollipop and had it in her mouth within seconds. She looked at Jay and I as though she knew she was getting away with something, as we both just looked at each other and laughed about the irony of the situation.

See, we never had our kids baptized or dedicated at our church (because we wanted to be able to do that with our family around). So because of that, they are not able to participate in the Eucharist (also known as Communion). Each week we go to the altar and the girls get prayed for while Jay and I get bread and wine. Then we leave the altar and Noelle says, “I’m hungry.” We can’t quite explain to her why she doesn’t get bread, but we like to give Scott a hard time about it occasionally.

So yesterday, after church, I made sure to say to Scott, “So, you won’t give our kids the bread of life, but you’ll give Noelle a stick of death?!” The sugar was coursing through her veins so fast it was a riot to watch as she bounced on the cushion at the front of the church. Scott thought it was pretty funny.

The strange thing about it all is that when Noelle came back to sit with us, she was still eating her lollipop and said, “Mama, like Ethiopia? Same?” We were shocked. She doesn’t seem to remember anything else about Ethiopia (even when we watch the video of us picking them up, she seems to be experiencing it for the first time!). Of all the things to remember about living in Ethiopia…it’s the lollipop! Weird…

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Today was my first mother’s day, and it was such a wonderful day! After I got out of bed I was greeted by two sweet girls in pink footie pajamas, bearing hugs and cards and a “Happy Mother’s Day” from Noelle. We went to breakfast before church, and I told Jay that I really never did imagine this day. To be sitting in our neighborhood restaurant with two beautiful girls, who are drinking from kid cups and eating pancakes and sausage, while Jay and I ate our breakfasts like this has been our life forever. It just feels so normal now…and yet it’s still surreal sometimes.

Although I didn’t cry today, I got choked up a few times. At church this morning they started a new tradition. The graduating seniors got up and each told their moms how much they mean to them. Most of these are the students we’ve been hanging out with in the youth group since we started helping out, so it is crazy to think they’re headed off to college and real life. But hearing each of them speak to their moms was so special. Each mom in the service got a rose, and Noelle went to the altar to get a rose for me. Scott (our good friend, and priest) picked her up and helped her get the perfect white rose for me, and she brought it back with a big smile on her face.

This afternoon we went to Garden of the Gods, which is one of my favorite places in the world. Pulling the girls in their wagon, we looked for deer and listened to birds. We went out for Mexican food for dinner, and stopped at Whole Foods (where the girls got their free chocolate cupcakes!) then headed home for bedtime. It’s really been a wonderful, peaceful day. i don’t think i even changed a diaper today! Woo-hoo!

Several weeks ago, Jay asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day. i think this was between his business trips, so my response was “time away!” So he surprised me this morning and told me that this summer, my friend and I will be going to New York for a weekend! I’m so excited…Jay’s the best!

I’m pretty sure that since we got the girls, even while we were in Ethiopia, Jay and I discovered a new-found respect for parents–especially our own. So for me to think about and talk to my own mom today, it just reminded me how important moms are, and how fortunate i am to have such a wonderful one! I hope one day my girls grow up to experience the love and joy of being a mom.

It’s hard in the day-to-day to feel this kind of joy and thankfulness for the role of being mom to Noelle and Chloe. In the middle of diapers and snot, tantrums and screams, it’s easy to forget that these girls give me more life than I could imagine, even if I do feel lifeless by the end of the day!

So to all the moms out there, I hope you had a wonderful day today. And for anyone who is on that long road to parenthood, like we once were, know that it’s all worth it when your children finally arrive. The pain, the grief, the stress, and the sorrow you feel now will be a distant memory once you have those crazy little ones in your life!

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It’s hard to remember a year ago, but I know that we celebrated Mother’s Day last year knowing that Noelle Seble and Chloe Mekdes would be our daughters. For several years before that, every Mother’s Day brought with it pain and emptiness. Before I wanted to be a mom, that was a day reserved for my own mom. But once Jay and I decided we wanted a family, the void became apparent. Every May was a reminder that we were missing something significant in our lives.

Now, this year, I can’t imagine my life without Noelle and Chloe. I put them to bed tonight and just got emotional looking at them in their crib and bed. These sweet, beautiful girls had such a different life less than a year ago. At this time last year, they were moving from their original orphanages to the care center, where we would later meet them. Their little worlds were being shaken up, and they had no idea what they were in for.

Today, we ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel, Daddy threw them around the couch cushions in the family room, we ate hot dogs for lunch, and shopped for groceries at Whole Foods with Mama before having pizza for lunch. They took a bath and went to bed. It’s not an unusual day for us (although we don’t eat out for breakfast every day!), but to think of a day in their life a year ago…I can’t imagine.

I really don’t feel like I have the words to express what I’m thinking or feeling right now. It’s an overwhelming feeling of love. I think I love them so much that it hurts… I’m so glad they are here with me to celebrate Mother’s Day this year.

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Well, it’s been a few days since Chloe and I headed up to the International Adoption Clinic in Denver, and I’m finally getting around to letting you know how she did.

Basically, Chloe scored above average on just about everything. Motor skills, language, comprehension all scored above where an 18-month old who has lived in the US their whole life would typically be. She’s the introvert, so we wondered if she’d “perform” the tasks given to her, but she did really well. She finally made it onto the weight chart, and she’s still barely 21 pounds, but she’s in the 6th percentile! Woo-hoo! The day we went up for the eval, Chloe had just moved into a booster seat the day before. We’ve been working towards solid foods for a while, since she was only on formula until she was 10 months old. They gave us lots of tips on how to help her start eating “grown-up” foods. But I think it was the booster seat that did it for her. Now she eats whatever we’re eating, including tacos, enchiladas, ribs, and hot dogs! She still won’t do pasta, but we’ll get her to come around… She’s really starting to grow up fast!

She’s talking almost as much as Noelle these days (although mostly at home…when we’re out she gets a little quieter). It’s crazy to think about how much she’s changed since she came home.

At one point, the doctors and therapists came in and asked if Chloe was in a crib in the orphanage. I told them that I assume she was… They said, “we’re just trying to figure out why she looks so good.” They wondered if she was held a lot or what… I said that our theory is that because the Ethiopian culture values children so highly, even the orphans are given lots of love and care. We’re so grateful that our girls knew affection and love before they came home with us. It made the transition into their new family a little easier. They’re two of the sweetest kids you’ll ever meet…hugs and kisses abound in our house, and we couldn’t be happier!

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So I started a group on Ning for families who are in the process of, or already have adopted from Ethiopia. If you want to check it out and join, you can find it at: http://ethiopiaadoption.ning.com/. The goal is to start a broad network of people who can help, encourage, and support others who are on a similar journey. It’s a great way to find other people who you can lean on, or even start a play group if you can find other local people. I’ve been part of a Rocky Mountain network of Ethiopian adoptive families, which has been great…but wanted to widen my network a bit (and give opportunity for others around the world to do the same).

I’m trying to tell everyone I know who has done an Ethiopian adoption, so if you know someone, pass this info on please!

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We went to the International Adoption Clinic at Children’s Hospital in Denver on Thursday to have an evaluation done for Noelle. (We take Chloe in this coming Thursday for the same thing.) It was pretty comprehensive, including a doctor, a nurse practitioner, two physical therapists, and a social psychologist (who also did some speech evaluations). In general, they all felt like Noelle was doing really well for being here just eight months.

Jay and I are still trying to process some of the feedback we got, and we’re waiting to get the full report that they’ll put together for us. There were some concerns about her speech, but mostly because she’s learning English as a second language, and they want to make sure she catches up as fast as she can before starting preschool in the fall. Also some good insight on furthering our bond with her, which seems pretty well established, but because she is such an extroverted, outgoing person, we want to make sure that we’re continuing to reinforce the family as her primary caregivers so she doesn’t start to look to others for her needs to be met.

It was exhausting… Two hours or so at the hospital. But it was great to watch Noelle with the tasks and to see how much she really has learned since she came home. It’s amazing how much that little brain can hold! More than anything, it gives us a good idea of where she’s at (and where a 3-year-old who has lived their whole life in the US “should” be at) so we have some frame of reference.

Next week is Chloe’s turn, which should be interesting, since she is far more introverted and not as into “performing” as her sister is! But we’re sure she’ll do great too!

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Friday we got gussied up (the girls were beyond adorable!) and drove to Castle Rock (through horrible visibility & blowing snow) to attend the final adoption proceeding for Noelle & Chloe. This was the last official step in our adoption. There it was decreed that these girls now have all the same rights as a child who would be born to us would have as a U.S. citizen, and they’re names were officially changed to Noelle Seble Howver and Chloe Mekdes Howver (although we’ve known them as those girls for so long now!).

We sat in a courtroom with a handful of other families, as one-by-one, we were called to the front table. Our judge, Louis A. Gresh, asked us a series of questions. You can watch the quick video at the end of this post to hear two highlights during this standard questioning…

After asking Jay his name and date of marriage, he asks, “How would you describe the marriage?”

Jay’s response, “Umm…It’s okay.” [mouths drop, nervous laughter, men in the room laughing a little louder than the women]

Judge’s response: “Well, we’ll see how it is after today!”

Second highlight, still during Jay’s questions…

Judge: “Have you ever been convicted of any crimes, misdemeanors, or felonies?”

Jay: “No”

Noelle: “No?” [more laughter...]

I think it’s safe to say we were the most amusing family in the courtroom that morning! The video also shows us posing for pictures with the judge when it was all finalized. Noelle even got to hold a plastic gavel.

Our friends Scott & Heather came with us to help us celebrate (and man the cameras…you will hear Scott’s laughter in the video!), so after the legal stuff was done we were handed paperwork, congratulated, and took off for a celebratory lunch at Chili’s! We even had molten lava chocolate cake for dessert (it isn’t a party without chocolate & ice cream, right?).

So it’s official. Soon we’ll get U.S. birth certificates for the girls, then we can get SS numbers, passports, and all the other important papers that say, “I’m a United States citizen!” While nothing really feels different, this is a pretty cool day. Knowing all the privileges and rights our girls now have, and will have for the rest of their lives, is really amazing, considering where they were and what rights and privileges they had less than a year ago in Ethiopia.

We’re so excited that so many of you have shared this journey with us. It doesn’t end here… Just because they’re citizens doesn’t mean we won’t have more excitement to share with you as life goes on. Stay tuned! Check out the link to the video under this happy family portrait at Chili’s!

Watch courtroom humor

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I’ve noticed a few things that Noelle does now that make me feel like she’s become a real American child…even before our official court date on April 11, where the girls will become US citizens.

First thing she does is the “pleasepleasepleaseplease…” that so many of our country’s kids are known for. So far we’ve been fortunate enough that it’s not happening in the aisles of Target. But she does ask for something (like chocolate milk or a “special treat”) and if we say no, the parade of pleases goes by. She smiles and tilts her head, trying to woo us into her wishes. But we remain strong, despite her cuteness. It won’t be so cute when it’s about the latest Little Einstein’s toy at Target, but for now we can laugh.

The other thing she does–and maybe this is just a kid thing, not an American thing, is the “I love you so much” just when she’s about to get in trouble for something. If she’s doing something that she knows she’s not supposed to do, and you catch her, she’ll interject her sweet “Mama, I love you SO much” between my disciplinary dissertation. I have to stop and say, “Noelle, I love you too, so much, but I’m really frustrated with you right now” (or whatever other feeling I may have at that moment). She recovers quickly. She also likes to use the “I love you so much” when she’s supposed to be falling asleep. We take turns lying with her when we tuck her in, and just when you think she may be out, she smiles at you and says, “Mama, I love you SO much.” Then I have to say, “I love you too, so much. Now you need to stop talking so you can fall asleep.” She’s quickly learning the skill of emotional manipulation…you gotta be proud!

Oh, and just a quick note…later this month we’ll be taking the girls to the International Adoption Clinic at Children’s Hospital in Denver. There, they’ll each be evaluated by a physician, a social psychologist, a speech therapist, and a physical therapist. We’re excited to go and see how they’re doing developmentally. We, of course, think they’re geniuses and far beyond where anyone would expect, but we’re a little biased. We’ll let you know how those visits go.

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